News Flash 1 - Helping or Hurting?

http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/02/14/hymowitz.valentine.proposals/index.html?hpt=C2

On this previous Valentine’s Day, Kay S. Hymowitz wrote for CNN a piece discussing marriage proposals and the outdated traditions that linger in the process of a man asking a woman to marry him. She joked about the stereotypical man and woman in today’s world and spoke on how the process of the marriage proposal is inflated today. Hymowitz’s article is meant to be a funny social commentary that would interest many people because of its insightful thoughts on the state of women’s rights is actually an example of Susan Douglas’ “enlightened sexism” ideas and serves to allow people to fall into the trap of thinking that our society is more progressive than it is (24).

The first thing about this article that struck me was how Hymowitz referred to our lives in “the post-feminist world” (Hymowitz). As we discussed in class, there are conflicting views on whether or not all of the goals of feminism have been achieved. For an opinion piece to truly reflect the current state of affairs in this country and the world it would need to show conflicting ideas on the issue. As we saw in the works Manifesta by Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richard, and Becoming the Third Wave by Rebecca Walker, these women do not feel that complete equality for women has been achieved and that feminism still has much work to do. Their ideas of how much work is still to be accomplished directly conflicts with Hymowitz’s implication that women’s largest problem is not being able to propose to a man. In her statements she inadvertently belittles the work of current women’s activists.

Susan Douglas might say that Hymowitz is perpetuating the idea that feminism is no longer an issue that needs to be considered except for in minor instances. Hymowitz is displaying Douglas’ idea of “enlightened sexism” by making it seem that our society is so far removed from the issues of the previous feminist movements that it is laughable that this still exists (24). She says “The proposal temporarily reasserts instinctive sex roles in our egalitarian, hyper-civilized age” (Hymowitz). In reality, this tradition is symptomatic of the way that our lives as women really are. It is only socially acceptable for men to ask a woman to marry him not vice versa and there are many things that in our society are still something that only men do. This idea is echoed in Frye’s ideas in Oppression of many social constructs compounding on each other to form a “birdcage” that women face (3). The inequality in the expectations in marriage proposals that Hymowitz’s discusses seems to me to just be another example of discrimination of women by others (male and female) to add to many others. Both women and men would find it forward of a woman to propose to a man, but why should she not if she is an equal partner in the relationship. Douglas may see this article as either evidence of our society and Hymowitz being lulled into the façade that women have gotten to a place of equality with men or evidence of the media’s attempt to make us feel that sexism is no longer and issue and therefore we can joke about it.

Hymowitz continues in her opinion piece to say “young dudes will…gaze up adoringly at the treadmill-enhanced lawyers or surgeons or account executives” (Hymowitz). In this statement she is telling people that it is the norm for a woman to be both successful in her career and also be in excellent shape. This kind of idea is reminiscent of Douglas’ discussion of characters such as Xena and how this type of character gives the impression that women should be able to kick butt while being gorgeous. Hymowitz adds to this Xena complex by insinuating that these normal women also have a stable relationship in which they are the dominant partner except for in one antiquated way. The fact then men still principally propose is so out of touch with the rest of the ways the world works it is laughable according to Hymowitz. But this is not the case.

As we have discussed in class, women do not have the significant role in companies as Hymowitz suggests and there is a large gap in the salaries of men and women. The statistics show that women do not have these high-powered jobs that the television, popular culture, and this article espouse. Instead women are suffering along with other minority groups from the lack of equality with white males in many aspects of their lives.

Hymowitz’s article also showcases another one of Douglas’s ideas in that she shows how a crazy and violent woman is newsworthy. Hymowitz describes “a Chicago woman threatening her boyfriend that if he didn't propose, she would call 911 to say he was attacking her” (Hymowitz). Douglas touches on this issue when she talks about Amy Fisher and Lorena Bobbitt, both violent and unstable women. What is ironic in this situation is the lack of press that men who resort to coercion and violence receive especially when there are alarming rates of assault (sexual or other) against women even on Colgate’s own campus.

The article ends with Hymowitz’s cheeky comment that “The proposal provides a ritual forcing him to show that he is thoughtful, capable, loving and sincere. In other words, that he will be a good husband and father. And willing to accept his wife's proposal that he fold the laundry” (Hymowitz). While she discusses the fact that the simple act of a marriage proposal has been blown up over the years, she does not once suggest that this issue is a sign that perhaps the goals of feminism have not been achieved and our society is not in the place that our popular culture makes us believe. Even in her last comment she is glossing over the fact that women not only now work outside of the house for less wages than men, but then come home and do the majority of the housework. She is maintaining the false ideals that men and women would in general share the work of the household just as she earlier makes it seem as though men and women enjoy equal power and compensation in the workplace.

Although Hymowitz points out a social construct that is antiquated in its sexist underpinnings, she does not acknowledge that this is merely symptomatic of the way the world is still run today and because of this lack of recognition, she perpetuates the idea that women have no more battles to fight except to overcome one last traditional aspect of life: the proposal. Her position as a successful woman writer gives her an opportunity to speak out about what she should see as a sign of the many ways that women and men do not have equality and could offer a suggestion that we change some of the ways we collectively think about the roles of men and women. Her paper’s comments do not reflect the actual statistical evidence of the state of women’s power in the work place and does not acknowledge other conflicting opinion on these issues. While her paper does appeal to many people because it is easily related to our lives, it lessens the power of the fight for women’s issues by perpetuating ideas of what Susan Douglas calls “enlightened sexism” in which popular culture gives the impression that feminism has been achieved (24).

Hymowitz, Kay S. "Why Men Pop the Question - CNN.com." CNN.com - Breaking News, U.S., World, Weather, Entertainment & Video News. 14 Feb. 2011. Web. 18 Feb. 2011. .